Walk No.30 – Still striving to adopt a growth mindset
All I need is to adopt a growth mindset I tell myself.
I’ve completed 30 walks since I first started preparing for my big hike across Scotland–my hike toward BIG CHANGE. Over the last 6 weeks I’ve walked around 300km of London streets in my boots.
While I’m slightly more confident about hiking the first 70km over 2 days, the thought of having to push my aching body up 1,344 metres on the 3rd day to the top of Ben Nevis makes me physically ill with anxiety.
For comfort I try to remember back to my days as a dancer when my feet looked something like this:
Physical states influence mental states. Mental states influence physical states. Not sure why philosophers continue to argue over which statement is true. They are both so very true.
When i train, my mind and body are continuously in dialogue. The dialogue first begins over the issue of boredom: My mind feels it is wasting time–if only I could be putting my mind towards something more productive than walking.
Then I begin to feel pain in my thighs, in my lower back, in the sore soles of my feet. I try to distract my mind away from thinking about my body by solving equations in my head. This only lasts so long before my focus returns to my body. I become conscious of my wobbly knees and the cramp in my side.
Why was I able to endure the pain of dancing on bruised toes and sprained ankles all those years ago? Why is this walking business so hard?
I continue to walk and wonder a bit more and walk and wonder a bit more. Today there are no podcasts or music playlists to listen to. It’s just me, my body and my mind.
Once more I feel the weight of my body slowing down my stride and my mind begins playing tricks on me. First my mind calmly tells my body that it’s okay to stop for a rest. But when my body doesn’t listen to my mind, my mind gets angry and tells my body that training is futile, that i will never make it across the highlands, that it will all just end in heap of embarrassment–why try if you know you will fail?! my mind shouts at me in desperation.
The fragments of my self argue all the way home.
What am I striving for? What will success mean? What is the goal? Am I striving for myself or for others? Am I striving for some ideal of perfection? What will it mean if I succeed? What will it mean if I fail? With only a week to go, I am committed to the idea that I do not know for certain the answer to these questions–that the journey itself will help answer these questions.
For now all I know for certain is that I am striving for big change in whatever form that takes. That I am striving for a metamorphosis.
When I danced I danced for the love of dance. On the one hand, the gesture of raising my leg high above my head was an intended action, consciously willed and controlled; my mind was aware of the complex kinaesthetic sensations of each of my actions. On the other hand, I was equally unconscious when I danced, almost possessed by the vibrations of sound channeling through my body.
The point is that when I danced, my mind was not separate from my body. When I danced I was not fragmented. My parts were all extensions of each other. The phenomenal experience was an experience of wholeness. My mind and my body were joined through my spirit–through my love of dance.
I have 8 more days to work on integrating my mind with my body. I am searching for that sense of wholeness. Doing my best to remove my bias view of the hike as a purely physical feat–as an ambition of the body.
I need to see this hike as art. As a collective work of art. A collective ambition to manifest beauty–not perfection.
Beauty of shared will and collective consciousness built upon a determination to unearth what Big Change means to us as individuals and for society.
A determination to pool communal resources of mind, body and sprit in order to unlock as much creative thought as possible over three intense and emotional days.
Yes, this is what it’s all about. I’m already starting to feel better about it all.
60 artists will walk together across the highlands in search of wholeness. 60 disruptors. 60 big-changers.
Some will be more fit than others but this is irrelevant. in fact, this is what make’s it an artistic endeavour.
So I will strive for this. For art and for wholeness in the highlands.
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I would of course be extremely grateful for any financial resources to support the work we are doing at Big Change. Funds raised through the STRIVE Challenge 2015 will be used to support amazing organisations and initiatives that have the potential to shape the future of young people across the UK. Big Change has a fundamental belief in the UK’s young people. They’re our priority, our passion, and our inspiration. And everything we do is designed to help them be the very best version of themselves. Helping them rise above and beyond their circumstances, and giving them the opportunity, motivation and courage to see the positive differences they can make for themselves, for others, and for their community. Whether it be helping young people learn about teamwork, communication, relationships, or giving them an opportunity to improve their emotional wellbeing and physical health, the money raised will support projects that focus on helping young people develop a growth mindset and strive in their own lives.
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