Wise children: “The ant doesn’t know that there’s more than the patio here. He just keeps walking…”

3 02 2014

I ask you, my friends, not to condemn me entirely to the mill of mathematical calculations, and to allow me time for philosophical speculations, my only pleasures. – Johanes Kepler (1619)





Children are like fresh globules of tantalizing rain

31 01 2014

 Children are like fresh globules of tantalizing rain;
 which spell bindingly descend in euphoric frenzy from 
fathomless carpets of glorious sky,
 Children are like innocuous tufts of cotton soaring 
ebulliently in handsome atmosphere; philandering in stupendous melody under carpets of gloriously blissful
 sunshine,
 Children are like the pristine rays of Omnipotent Sun; 
profoundly illuminating one and all; with their
 vibrantly intriguing imagery; alike, 
Children are like the fairies of irrefutable truth
 dancing in the celestial heavens; with their 
immaculately divine consciences boundless kilometers 
away; from the despicable gutter of lies,
 Children are like ecstatically redolent roses brazenly 
swaying in the afternoon winds; unfurling into
 majestic artistry and overwhelmingly tangy 
boisterousness; as each second speedily zipped by, 
Children are like fulminating springs of rhapsodically 
untamed jubilation which erupt from the inner most
 core of earth; incessantly blooming into a paradise of
 new found energy; an insatiable euphoria to propel
 forward in life,
 Children are like united colors of the vivaciously 
radiant rainbow; embracing each other in compassionate 
cradles of humanity; entirely oblivious to the satanic
 vagaries of caste; creed; religion and spurious color,
 Children are like the resplendently milky beams of the
 innocent Moon; perennially twinkling in the 
unparalleled exuberance of discovery; indefatigably 
exploring all bountiful happiness so fantastically 
laden upon this colossal planet,
 Children are like voluptuously nimble blades of dew drop coated grass; profusely ringing in the whole some
 merriment of symbiotic existence; whistling past the
 meadows of inexplicably ghastly sorrow; with
 Omnipotent beauty in their tiny souls,
 Children are like scintillatingly majestic eagles 
soaring royally through the silken clouds;
 uninhibitedly kissing all goodness that confronted
 them in their way; on every step that they poignantly tread, 
Children are like angels of relentlessly philanthropic 
benevolence; donating even the most priceless of their
 possession; to their comrades in agonizing pain,
 Children are like the sparkle of seductively ethereal
 dawn; deluging every disastrously bereaved household;
 with the ingratiatingly timeless essence of joyously 
beautiful existence, Children are like steps leading to the sacrosanct 
Creator; unassailably fortifying your persona to face
 the deadliest of evil; as you clambered each foot 
forward,
 Children are like rambunctiously revered and bushy 
squirrels up in the foliated trees; eternally 
unfolding into insurmountable enthusiasm; leaping
 fleet- footedly to metamorphose beleaguered earth once
 again into an Omniscient paradise,
 Children are like unfathomable treasure hoves of
 captivating honey; oozing the ultimate sweetness of 
godly creation; with the incredulous ardor in their
 heavenly voice,
 Children are like charms of everlasting luck;
 magically transforming your despairingly deplorable
 survival; into a life replete with profusely endearing
 graciousness,
 Children are like invincibly boundless mountains of 
faith; instilling Herculean courage in all those
 miserably dwindling; by just the unprecedented fervor
 of brilliant optimism; lingering enchantingly in the
 whites of their eyes,
 Children are like petals of Omnipresent prosperity;
 ubiquitously diffusing the spirit of happiness and
 immortal humanity; to every penuriously ailing entity on the trajectory of this endlessly glittering planet,
 And Children are like the supremely divine aura of
 Godhead; granting every benign desire in your heart to
 be perpetually true; the instant you held their
 beaming palms to frolic with them in the gardens of;
 unconquerable togetherness….

– Nikhil Parekh, Ahmedabad, India





“they’re kissing so wildly” – Luna

27 01 2014
 
Always remember this: ‘A kiss will never miss, and after many kisses a miss becomes a misses’. – John Lennon
 
The first kiss is magic. The second is intimate. The third is routine. – Raymond Chandler
 
Kiss me, and you will see how important I am.—Sylvia Plath

(Conversation between Philomena and Katarina, both age 6)

–       You know I kissed Theo when I was 5.
–       Yuck.
–       It’s not yuck, one day we will get married.
–       Married people don’t kiss!
–       Yes they do!
–       No they don’t–when you are boy friend and girl friend you kiss, not when you’re married.

After over-hearing this conversation I began making it a point to smother my husband with kisses on the lips in front of the children. I was on a mission to prove Katarina wrong. Married people do kiss, dammit.  Not only do they kiss but they also have great sex—lots of sex. In fact, once you have children, sex just gets better and better—the bonds become stronger, given all the stimulating and complex challenges parents face together, and emotional connections become exponentially more intense. Love, passion and family-life go hand in hand.

I wish this were always true. But the reality is I too rarely catch a glimpse of married people kissing on the lips. Maybe that’s because I live in London. Perhaps if I lived in Buenos Aires, I’d see married people making out on every park bench. All I know is that most of my friends with children—and these are pretty multi-cultural friends who are spread across a number of continents tell me a similar story: they rarely have the time or energy for proper kissing.

A survey carried out by the British Heart Association revealed that 20% of married couples can go a week without kissing—did that mean that 80% of couples kiss everyday? If that were true I would let 6-year-old-Katarina know immediately. I do wish someone would carry out that study because I desperately want to know more about kissing—not the quick, 1950s-style-honey-I’m-home kind of peck, and not the slightly embarrassing tongue-swishing kind either—I want to know about those sweet, in-between kisses, the ones that last 3-5 seconds, the ones that force you to slow down just a bit, just enough to pause and re-connect.

One day I tried to keep track of how many times I kissed my children relative to my husband—it was a very silly exercise. I lost track very quickly as my girls receive kisses every few minutes–not only on their lips, but their cheeks, forehead, top of head, hands, belly and feet– they are constantly smothered in affection. In contrast, I calculated an average of two pecks and one kiss a day with my husband—the have-a-great-day-departure-peck in the morning and the honey-I’m-home-peck in the early evening. The honey-I’m-home-peck occurs after rolling around on the floor with the children in a frenzy of giggling and kisses, which is of course a beautiful site to see, but the contrast between their intimacy, their lightness in being, their capacity to make space to connect and our own capacity to do so becomes instantly apparent. I hate pecks—I tell my husband all the time, if you’re going to peck me, peck me on the cheek, not the lips—my lips are reserved only for kissing. It’s not always easy to remember these things.

It is extraordinary how much our children value kissing–not the kisses they receive but the kissing they observe.

Video Luna’s take on kissing: https://vimeo.com/85147626

<p>27.1.2014</p>





a little princess–movie night with the girls

25 01 2014

A very long time ago…
… there lived a beautiful princess,
in a mystical land known as…
…lndia.
She was married to the
handsome Prince Rama…
… who had been banished
to the enchanted forest…
…by his jealous stepmother,
Queen Kaikeyi.
One day…
…Princess Sita saw a wounded deer
in the woods…
…and she begged Rama
to go and help it.
Rama drew a circle in the ground
and said to her:
”This is a magic circle.
So long as you stay inside it…
…no harm can come to you. ”
That night,
the princess heard a horrible cry.
Help me.
Thinking it was her beloved Rama
in danger…
… the princess ran from the circle
to answer the cry.
She soon came across
an old beggar man.
Although she had no money
to give him…
…she could not refuse his plea.
As soon as he had the bracelet…
. . .he transformed into the
He grabs her and takes her
to his palace. . .
. . .to make her his bride.
Did you ever know
a real prince, Maya?

– A Little Princess (1995) Movie Script

conversation with Philomena during the film (age 7)

– mummy, why did they just call her a princess? is she a real princess?
– because being a princess is about behaving like a princess. and she just did didn’t she?
– like thinking of others first, before yourself, right?
– yes, my love, exactly.

l am a princess.
All girls are.
Even if they live
in tiny old attics.
Even if they dress in rags.
Even if they aren’t pretty
or smart or young.
They’re still princesses.
All of us.

– A Little Princess (1995) Movie Script

had no idea alfonzo cuaron made this gorgeous film. so wonderful.

 





On Love Spells and Longing

23 01 2014
Glorious Sachiel,
Angel of love,
Open your wings and guide from above,
Guide to me my soul’s twin flame,
Together, as one, we live again. 

It is worth saying something about the difference between desire and longing. Wanting is clear, purposive, urgent, driven by the will, always with its goal clearly in view. Longing, by contrast, is something that ‘happens’ between us and another thing. It is not directed by will, and is not an aim, with the ultimate goal of acquisition; but instead is a desire for union–or rather it is experienced as a desire for re-union.   – Iain Mcgilchrist

Conversation with Eleanor, age 6.
–       Who are you?
–       I am a witch. These are my potions.
–       Oh, I see. And what will you do with these potions?
–       They are love potions—to make people fall in love. Some of the girls are already in love but not all of them so I’m going to cast a spell on them.
–       And what will happen to them once they receive your love spell? What will they feel?
–       They will be in love, silly.
–       I see. And how long will your spell last–will they be in love forever?
–       Mmmmmm. That, I’m not sure really.

 

Conversations with Philomena age 3,4,5,6, and 7.
Philomena age 3.
–       Mummy, when I grow up, I’m going to marry Maxim.
Philomena age 4
–       Mummy, when I grow up, I’m going to marry Maxim.
Philomena age 5
–       Mummy, when I grow up, I’m going to marry Maxim.
Philomena age 6
–       Mummy, when I grow up I might marry Maxim but I might also marry Theo.
Philomena age 7
– Mummy, do you know why I can’t decide if I am going to marry Theo or Maxim? It’s because Theo lives here in London—he’s close by and Maxim lives really far away. Do you think I’ll never see Maxim again, Mummy? Because Australia is so far away, isn’t it? Will we ever visit Australia?
 
 

Who has not, gazing up at the starry night, held out hope that their “other half” is out there somewhere, gazing up at the same heavens and dreaming of them? That one day they should be brought together by a divine plan, a destiny to become one again, to become whole. Be careful what you wish for. Love spells cause a great number of side effects: Tightness in chest, racing heart, obsessive thoughts, aching mind, awestruck worship and a terrible sense of longing that leads to something disembodied, something beyond conscious experience. A kundalini rising.

Most of us have experienced it at one point or another in life—that bewitching moment when we engage in conversation with someone for the first time and feel a sensation of connectedness so profound that the stranger standing before us can no longer be considered a stranger. That bewitching moment when we look deep within the eyes of another and realise that we have (as Mcgilchrist mentioned above) been reunited with our other half, with the soul mate we hadn’t even realised we were searching for. That bewitching moment when any semblance of reason gives way to an almost painful longing to be close, because we feel understood, deeply understood, for the first time. That bewitching and seductive moment when we are at first stirred and then bound by an electrical current, some higher spiritual energy, a force that leaves us no other choice than to love at once, unconditionally.

Plato portrayed this twin-soul image twenty-five centuries ago, in a legend filled with androgynous creatures. In Plato’s Symposium, Aristophanes speaks in praise of love, relating how Zeus struck the soul into two opposite halves, each to wander the earth in search of the other. The belief is that each one of us, on a deeply subconscious level, knows that something is missing within ourselves, and we seek wholeness.

And when one of them meets with his other half, the actual half of himself, the pair are lost in amazement of love and friendship and intimacy and one will no be out of the others’ sight even for a moment. These are the people who pass their lives together; yet they could not explain what they desire of one another. For the intense yearning which each of them has towards the other does not appear to be the desire of lovers’ intercourse, but of something else which the soul of either evidently desires and cannot tell, and of which she has only a dark and doubtful presentiment.   

 If Hephaestus, son of Zeus, were to ask the pair: Do you desire to be wholly one, always day and night to be in one another’s company? For if this is what you desire, I am ready to melt you into one and let you grow together, so that being two you shall become one, and after your death in the world beyond you will still be one departed soul instead of two—I ask whether this is what you lovlingly desire? – and there is not a man or woman of them who, when they heard the proposal, would not acknowledge that this melting into one another, this becoming one instead of two, was the very expression of their ancient need. And the reason is that human nature was originally one and we were a whole, and the desire and pursuit of the whole is called love.

 

My daughter Philomena is very romantic. She let’s everyone know, “my name means love.” There is no question in her mind that one-day, she will meet her soul mate and they will marry. In fact, she is pretty convinced that she has already met him. At age 3.

Is that possible? Is it possible to meet your soul mate so young? That Philomena’s soul is somehow connected to this little boy Maxim’s who she’s been obsessed with for so long? We’re going on 4 years now since their first encounter and she continues to talk about him with such certainty.  I do hear about this kind of thing all the time from the many mothers I meet. They tell me of their toddlers falling madly in love and holding on to that love despite time passing (over many years, irrespective of whether the children have moved on to different schools, different countries). It seems so extraordinary to me.

My youngest daughter, Luna, also seems to have found a soul mate. Not in a boy she wants to marry but in her best girlfriend, Haruka. They too met at age 3 and have since moved on to different schools, but every week Luna produces a piece of art-work to send to her friend. Every week she asks when she will see Haruka next. I feel the longing in her voice. She often cries and tells me how much she misses her.

Plato’s mythical tale does not present an argument that we are destined to be with our soul mates in marriage or romance. It is a tale about the search for our other half—the part of our self that is missing. Maybe the uncontrollable longing to melt into one with someone we meet for the first time—when we feel that bolt of lightening—is more about self-realisation than anything else. A mirror of love reflected back upon us. A shared reflection of love.

Perhaps too often we grown ups misinterpret what it means when we finally meet our soul mate—or when we appear to be meeting our soul mate again and again, as the case may be. In this age, where people are finding it hard to connect and forge lasting relationships, the idea of the soul mate, of a cosmic quest, may actually prevent people from being happy with the person they are with and from finding joy in the little things — the normal, nonmystical, yet beautiful things that couples must do to make a relationship work.

Does the belief in and search for a soul mate create unrealistic expectations of what true love is all about? What do our children help reveal about the unexplained sense of longing and connection we feel towards others? Should we melt into one with our soul mate or are our souls meant to be split? Perhaps they are only meant to come together from time to time to reassure us that we are part of a whole?





Listening at the fringe

12 01 2014

Every time I come to the Southbank I wonder why it is that I do not spend every day here. I didn’t manage to get tickets to the T.S. Elliot Prize readings tonight as I thought I might—but drinking wine at Skylon, looking over at the river below, the blue lights, the train racing south to north and north to south. I feel privileged just to listen at the door.  

Below is a taster of what I might have heard but read to myself instead beside the river.

Talking to myself

In the mildew of age

All pavements slope uphill

Slow slow

Towards an exit.

It’s late and light allows

the darkest shadow to be born of it.

Courage, the ventriloquist bird cries

(a little god, he is, censor of language)

remember plain Hardy and dandy Yeats

in their inspired wise pre-dotage.

 

I, old man, in my new timidity,

think how, profligate, I wasted time

–those yawning postponements on rainy days,

those paperhat hours of benign frivolity.

Now Time wastes me and there’s hardly time

to fuss for more vascular speech.

The aspen tree trembles as I do

And there are feathers in the wind.

Quick quick

Speak, old parrot,

Do I not feed you with my life?

–       Dannie Abse

Wife of Brain

don’t say you weren’t

expecting a volcano those

red wings

that not even bad love can

tame

must signify something’s

somewhere

about to go up in flame or

(as Proust says) be

eternalized in pleasure

like the men

in a Pompeian house of ill

fame yet fame

is not ill

for all

in this tale Sad may be a

goner

but Io’s getting ready

for her free

throw

with one eye on the herd

and the other on that

pyroclastic glow

– Anne Carson

We Love Life, Whenever We Can

We love life whenever we can,

We enter the grocer’s, the baker’s, the chemist’s

    the post office daily.

We love life whenever we can.

We borrow each other’s books and paperclips

   and forget to return them.

We spruce ourselves up for a meeting, order

   a taxi, climb into a bus or a train.

We love life whenever we can

   and so we sign letters and cards and spend

   the evening walking the street

 when the winter is fiercest and the light

   in the windows and amusement arcades

   snarls at the darkness and the sea is quietly chomping at

   the cliff and the owl and the rat and the fox move over and

   through and we hear them and listen.

We love life whenever we can.

– George Szirtes 





we are love

7 08 2013
we are love
we are made of love
we come from love and we go towards love
we die and we become eternal love
we are born and we awaken love
there is no such thing as love lost
only love misplaced and found again
love takes many forms and evolves:
it is a journey from conditional to unconditional
from selfish to selfless
from oneness to separateness and back to oneness
from eros to philia to agape




MUMMY it’s more fun if I have TWO daddies ’cause if one daddy go to work and one daddy don’t go to work, when I’m sick one can stay with me!

1 05 2013

(6 yr old) Philomena – You know Mummy, today a friend at school said that it isn’t always a man and woman who get married, that sometimes two mummies can get married to each other and have babies as well. But I told her that would be impossible because if two mommies got married together they would have far too many children.

Me – Too many children? 

Philomena – YES! Because they BOTH would want to have babies and they BOTH would be having them at the SAME TIME!!! So they would make TOO many babies to take care of!!!  And then who would take care of the babies???!!! BECAUSE, well, they would both have to work ALL THE TIME to feed the babies! AND BECAUSE, you see, also, there wouldn’t be a daddy in the house to stop them from having all the babies! AND —  

(4 yr old) Luna (interrupting) – If there could be two mommies who are married, could there be two daddy’s who get married as well?

Me – Yes

(6yr old) friend sitting with us – I like having one mommy and one daddy.

Luna (interrupting) – MUMMY it’s more fun if I have TWO daddies ’cause if one daddy go to work and one daddy don’t go to work, when I’m sick one can stay with me!

Philomena – Then I’d like TWO mommies AND two daddies!





Eros @ the Met

7 04 2013

sleeping eros so i am not quite sure if it was a dream

but i’m pretty sure i made love to the empire state building this past weekend

it was all about LOVE in NY for me and there is nothing better than going to a city wearing a pair of love sunglasses

all i could see was love, everywhere

in every direction

in every gesture

every expression

between that

and the crazy energy of the city (including beloved brooklyn)

the smell of spring

the tequila & mezcal craze that has swept over the city

the fact that little Eros was on display at the Met

the gorgeous mamas i had the privilege of interviewing

it was a serious love-in for which i am extremely grateful:
what is LOVE? what purpose does LOVE serve? what are the types of LOVE that we experience? is LOVE innate? are our children all born with the same capacity for LOVE?  who’s LOVE–what rules of LOVE–do our children abide by? do children come equipped with their own set of rules around LOVE or is everything they understand about LOVE that which they learn from us? how much of our child’s expression of LOVE is inhibited by the props, script and storyline around LOVE that we grown-ups prescribe for them? do we grown-ups adhere to the same rules around LOVE that we teach our children, or do we contradict our own rhetoric? what do our children teach us about our capacity for LOVE? 

a fabulous 4 days

a whirlwind of no sleep

only one long lucid dream

of only love

thank you NY





Visions of Africa

12 03 2013

It was the 26th of December and we were air-bound, on route to the Senegalese Sine Delta with our two daughters (age 4 and age 6) and a group of friends (a total of 9 adults and 9 children, the youngest in the group was just under 2). The plan was to spend a bit of time with friends living in Dakar before driving south along the coastline to a natural reserve.

In addition to soaking up some sun and adventure, our hope was that our girls would come away from this experience with a bit of perspective about the world they live in. That they would form an emotional attachment to new surroundings, new people, new culture and, fingers crossed, the trip would rid them of any pre-existing stereotypes about the African continent already wedged inside their tiny heads.

On the flight over, the girls could not stop giggling and squirming in their seats—their little bottoms swaying from one side to the other, heads flopping in every direction, annoying the passengers seated in front of them by repeatedly opening and closing the latch of their folding table.

What are they going to bring us to eat, Mummy? My 6-year old daughter asks, her face smeared in anxiety.
– You’ll like it, I think it’s a pasta of some sort.  I respond.
–  I want mine plain, please—ok? No sauce, mum, ok? Mummy did you hear me? Please NO sauce!
I imagine it will come with sauce and there is nothing I can do about that. Please remember that this is the only meal you will have for many hours so do your best to eat, otherwise you’ll be very hungry later. 
ANNNND!!! Interjects my just-turned-4 year old, there is NO food in Africa when we get there!  
Of course there will be food in Africa, girls. I say.
No mummy, I know about this. There is no food and there is no water in Africa. The children are hungry there. I learned about it in school. Reconfirms my youngest.

Yes my love, you are right that there are many hungry children in Africa. There many hungry children all over the world—even in London. The problem isn’t that there is no food available though, it’s that some people in the world can’t afford to buy or grow food. We are fortunate because we do have money to buy food in London and we will also be able to buy food in Senegal. Still, it will be a long time till we get to Sengeal, so both of you make sure you eat up your meal when it comes.

– No mummy, you just don’t understand. I REALLY know about Africa.

The food arrives, we open the cutlery and everything smells delicious. The friendly flight attendant offers me a glass of champagne and I decide that I will fly Air France whenever possible as it is the only airline I’ve come across that serves up Champagne to the masses in Economy.

When I look over at the girls, they are staring, eyes wide, at the food before them completely distraught at the sight of a sauce they’ve never seen before.

You will eat. I say sternly and turn back to my own meal.

A good 10 minutes later and 99% of the pasta is still in their dish. I glare at them, eyebrow raised, and the tears begin to well up in my eldest’s eyes. I tried it, Mummy (sniffle sniffle) but I really didn’t like it. I ate the bread and the fruit and I’m full now anyway. I promise I won’t be hungry later.

Few things annoy me (and most people I know) more than wasting food.

Hmmm. Maybe I should throw that starving children argument right back at them. Or better yet, maybe I’ll take them to some Senegalese orphanage when we arrive—then they’ll know what it’s like not to have food–even parents for that matter! Then they’ll know better than to cry over tomato sauce. Spoiled little brats.

As long as you at least try the pasta sauce, I say instead.

I remind them one more time that there is no other meal for the remainder of the trip. The trays are collected and the lovely hostess pours me a cup of coffee.

But no more than 30 minutes go by before the whining begins.

Mummy, I’m hungry.  My tummy hurts. Did you hear me, really Mummy, I’m starving. Mummy, mummy? Please, Mummy, can I have a snack? MUMMMY!!!!

I remind them of what I said earlier and do my best to ignore them. We had already eaten all the snacks I had brought and I really had nothing for them. After nearly an hour of listening to extremely high-pitched whining, the people in front of us, desperate for them to shut up, turn around and hand the girls each a bag of treats.

I admit I was quite relieved.

They stuffed their mouths as if they had never tasted sugar before and instantly began bargaining with one another.

– Can I have some of your Smarties?
No, you have your own treats.
Pleeeeease. I don’t have Smarties in my bag and I know they don’t have Smarties in Africa!

We arrive in Dakar at night. The girls stare out the window of our airport taxi but given the sparse street lighting along the road, there isn’t too much to see.

But then my youngest (her name is Luna) suddenly screams and points her finger upward out the window.

The moon, the moon, my moon—its here! It followed us all the way to Senegal!

The first similarity between Senegal and England is identified.

We share the same moon.

We spend the first day exploring a bit of the city (with the children) and that night we spend dancing till very late at a club (without the children) to an eclectic mix of hiphop-reggae-afrocuban-jazz, alongside stunning long-legged Senegalese women. I was told later that most (if not all) the women in this particular club were prostitutes. I was surprised to learn that prostitution is legal for any woman over 21 who registers with the police and the sex tourism industry apparently goes both ways, with middle-age white women from abroad also engaging with local men for hire.

The second morning we woke to the bluest of skies and the sound of gentle waves rocking the small fishing boats scattered around our beach cove. Our hotel faced the sea but the bustling energy of the city behind our hotel added steadfast rhythm to the beach life.

Dakar

Dakar

It is important to note that the grownups in our group were well aware of the situation unfolding in the Central African Republic and Mali when we arrived and our hosts spent a great deal of time bringing us up to speed on the largely uncovered news of the entire Region.  Surprisingly though, despite overhearing some of our adult conversations and despite the incredibly gruesome images shown on the television in the lounge of our hotel, the children seemed oblivious to the conflicts unfolding in the belt of fire that surrounds Senegal—Mauritania to the north, Mali to the east, Guinea and Guinea-Bissau to the south, and Senegal basically surrounds the Gambia.

Still, I couldn’t help but wonder how a conversation might unfold if by chance the children were to look up from their breakfast croissants piled high with Nutella to notice the bloodshed ravaging above their heads.

What’s happening on the television, Mummy? Is that real? Where is that—is it in Senegal?
Yes, unfortunately it is very real. But no, that isn’t Senegal. In Senegal things are quite peaceful.
­– What’s peaceful?
When people aren’t trying to hurt one another.
— Why are they hurting people in the television?
 

Perhaps the best entry point to a discussion could be to talk about what sets Senegal apart from the other countries—political stability, peaceful social interactions, no sort of extremist religious movements.

What does “extremist” mean?
It’s when you don’t accept that other people have a God that looks slightly different from your God.
— But I thought you said that we can’t see God with our eyes, only with our heart?
— Some people find it difficult to see God with their hearts and rely only on the eyes—eyes are not as wise as the heart.

The kids never asked any questions but I was curious.

I learned that in Senegal religious diversity is an integral part society. Most Senegalese Muslims are Sunni and follow the Sufi religious traditions, which focuses the individual on what the Prophet Mohammed called the greater Jihad—the personal struggle within each of us as human beings for inner peace and reflection. Catholics make up 5% of the population and there are other Christians living side-by-side Muslims in harmony. It doesn’t seem to matter what religious denomination you adhere to in Senegal but what is clear is that everyone must be a believer—atheism is not socially acceptable.

Another factor that may contribute to the peaceful nature of the country is racial equality. Even though Senegal has a diverse set of ethnic groups everyone here is sub-Saharan and dark-skinned. Racial tensions exist in places like Mauritania where the dominant moors, who have their ethnic roots in northern Africa, exclude dark-skinned members of their population and in Mali, where the Berber and north-Saharan populations of the northern Azawad region seek independence from the sub-Saharan government in Bamako.

This is not to say that Senegal has been completely immune to conflict. In the Casamance region of the country a low-level civil war has been going on since 1982 over the question of independence between the government and the Movement of Democratic Forces of Casamance (MFDC). However, this conflict has largely been calmed since the President Macky Sall was elected to office in April 2012. There was also the Mauritania-Sengalese border conflict over grazing rights in the fertile Senegal River valley that began in 1989 and left some 250,000 people displaced on both sides of the border. Between 2008 and 2012, with the help of the UNHCR, most of these refugees have since been repatriated but it is believed that the Mauritanian government took advantage of the repatriation to systematically rid their country of black Mauritanian citizens.

Modern Senegal has always been occupied by various ethnic groups. Some of its kingdoms date back to the 7th century. But unlike neighbouring countries, the empire was built up as a voluntary confederacy of various states rather than an empire built on military conquest and the country has a long tradition of political institutions comparable to that of European states. Léopold Sédar Senghor, Senegal’s first president, was a great intellectual—a poet nominated for a Nobel Prize—who establish a solid democratic foundation and sense of cultural pride. One of his most famous poems begins:

Naked woman, black woman
Clothed with your colour which is life,
With your form which is beauty!
In your shadow I have grown up; the
gentleness of your hands was laid over
my eyes… 
 

Although Sedar Senghor did rule for 20 odd years, he voluntarily stepped down from power and ever since Senegal has enjoyed free elections and peaceful transitions between presidents. There hasn’t been a single coup d-etat in the country’s history.

The following day, we take the children to explore the beautiful little Island of Goree.

Goree

Goree

Goree was one of the first places in Africa to be settled by Europeans and is most known as the location of the House of Slaves, which we visited (without the children).

While our little ones played on the beach carefree, we listened to the curator of the slave museum as he pointed to the “door of no return”—an open door at the far end of the slave quarters with a stunning view over the Atlantic. Apparently, after passing through this door, slaves carrying a weight of 17kilos chained around their neck, either boarded slave ships on route to America or threw themselves into the shark-infested waters below. There is some historical controversy around the exact on-goings of the slave trade in this particular house, but without a doubt the door-of-no-return remains an extraordinary symbol of the horrors of slavery.

As I walked around the claustrophobic quarters, the sound of the curator’s voice echoing inside the walls of torture, I couldn’t help but think of my girls. I wondered whether my 6-year old might already be familiar with the word “slave.” In the United States children begin to learn about slavery at a conceptual level as early as pre-kindergarten (age 4.5) but in the UK they start at around age 9. I also wondered at what age local children on the island understood their history and how this history was explained to them. My heart raced and stomach turned as I tried to consider how I might start to explain it all to mine.

Girls, you know all those children you’re playing with on the beach? Well a long time ago, white people like us, stole their mothers and fathers, locked them up in dungeons with chains around their necks. We packed them as tightly as possible into these small cave-like spaces. We measured their breasts and penises to determine the best price for them because back then we believed big breasts and penises would create better slave-babies. We then took these mothers and fathers and put them on ships to America, where they would continue to live as slaves to the American white people. I know it’s hard to understand, but for some crazy reason we were unable to see that the black people of Africa were just the same as us. I know it’s very sad, but we haven’t always been able to see with our hearts and minds. 

-Mummy, for how long were we unable to see with our hearts and minds?
– I’m sad to say, we were blind for nearly 300 years.

No way. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t have this conversation yet. I left the museum in a panic. I ran to the beach and comforted myself with a bottle of Coke. Then I watched as my children jumped waves with their friends, in awe of the local boys diving off the nearby dock. The only colour they registered in their mind was the hot pink bougainvillea growing everywhere.

They have bougainvillea in Senegal just like the bougainvillea growing on Omi’s house in Mexico! Second similarity between Senegal and Mexico is identified.

We share the same flowers.

On the third day, we pile into our beat-up Korean Pinto and embark on the five-hour drive along the coast to the Sine Naussean Delta. A caravan of four cars. The traffic chaos leaving Dakar was fabulous (although I was grateful that my husband was driving and happy to be in a car that had already looked as though it had been in a number of minor accidents.)

As we inched—jerked—along the slow-moving highway we grew thirsty but given the multitude of people weaving between the cars on foot, selling fresh fruit (nuts and phone cards) we were able to fill our bellies with juicy oranges. Not one person knocked on our car window to ask for money. People were only eager to sell.

– Mummy, I wish we had people selling fresh oranges in London when we’re stuck in traffic.
– Yes, that would be fun wouldn’t it? 

After 2.5 hours of driving we pull up to a pizza joint. Yes, pizza in Senegal—it does exist. Although, the pizza margarita is a bit spicier in Senegal than in London, our hungry daughters learn how to sip water with every bite. Note that this was the only pizza we ate over the two-week period. The rest of the time the kids ate fresh grilled fish and rice, which they loved.

After the pizza, we turned off the paved road; it had more potholes than the salt flats so we took the off road option. The expanding landscape of sand and salt along our coastal drive, dotted with enormous Baobab trees and white African cows, was something otherworldly. There were a few villages scattered along the way and occasional barefoot, happy children playing in the sand, waving at our girls as they hung out the window.

At one point–maybe a couple of times, our cars got a bit stuck in the sand but we managed to push them out without too much difficulty.

– ­Put some muscle in it, Daddy! Come on!
– Weeeeeeeeeeeee!
– Lets do that again! Let’s get stuck again, Daddy, pleeeease!

Many of the villages we passed along the way contained traditional thatched-roofed homes built in large circles, all facing each other.

– Look girls, what can you tell me about these houses that are different from the houses in England?
– Uhhhhhhhh. Hmmmmmm. I dont know.
– Oh come on, look at the roofs of the houses, what are they made of?
– Straw? We’ve seen that before—they have straw roofs in England.
– What about how the homes are placed all facing each other?
– Yes, just like when we go camping.
– I guess it is.

So no big deal obviously. For every difference I could identify between our two countries, our two continents, the children retorted only with what they found similar or familiar; and if something was ever different, it was only because it was better.

Like the tree house where we slept for the following five nights at our eco-hotel. It was built high up in a Baobab tree, nestled perfectly between three strong branches, each at least a metre in diameter. From the terrace of our magical house, which was literally covered in hot pink and yellow bougainvillea, we had a view of the endless stretch of the Sine Saloum National Park.

– Mummy, why can’t we live in a big tree house in London?
– Believe me, my love, I wish we could live in a tree house sometimes just as much as you do.
 
sine saloum delta

sine saloum delta

Our group of 9 grown ups and 9 children brought in the New Year dancing along side villagers who came to perform at our hotel. The children all loved dancing with us and unlike the grownups, the children had little difficulty getting the rhythm right.

Later that evening, after the little ones were tucked sweetly into bed, some of us ventured off under the moonlight on donkey-drawn carts that took us across the vast delta to a spot where virtually the entire village had gathered around a roaring fire in the middle of two enormous Baobabs. We were there to watch an international wrestling competition (known as Laamb) and one of the villagers was competing against a wrestler from Mali so we had someone to root for. The wrestlers, dressed only in a loincloth, took to battle in the sand with a fury of drumming and chanting all around them. There were occasional outbreaks of uncontrollable dancing among a crowd of around 80 people and even the wrestlers danced between their matches.

senegalese wrestling

senegalese wrestling

It was a magnificent experience and privilege. Did I mention the moon was also out in all its glory?

It was also particularly emotional for me because the 31st of December coincides with the night my husband and I were married. And to my extreme surprise, my husband (who by the end of all the wresting merriment was saturated in the adrenalin) decided to step into the middle of the dancing circle and announce to the entire village that it was our anniversary. This was extremely touching and romantic until the crowd forced us into the dancing ring–at that point my husband and I managed to scare even the wrestlers with our moves.

I am sure that if our daughters had seen the effect that Senegal had on their father that New Years night, they would never had allowed us to leave.

Funny enough, despite the fact that our children didn’t ask us if we could move to Senegal permanently, my husband and I still discussed the possibility.  Prior to moving to London, he and I both spent much of our lives living in the lesser-developed parts of the world, so we would not be unversed in making a life for our selves in such a place. And besides the overwhelming sense of freedom that comes with living in parts of the world where rules are less formal, there is always lots of inspiring work to do.

Speaking of work to do, there was one difference that the children noticed and pointed out to us on our journey across Senegal.  It was the litter in and around virtually all the small towns we visited.

– ­Mummy, why are there so many blue plastic bags everywhere? Why don’t the people just pick up the bags and put them in the bin?
–  Do you see any bins around?
– No. But you would need a LOT of bins for all these plastic bags.
– You are so right. There is a rubbish problem in many African countries, particularly because of the number of plastic bags. The problem is that lots of people here get their clean drinking water in plastic bags. People also use plastic bags to poo in sometimes when there is no bathroom nearby.
-To POO IN!??!!!??
– Well we have toilets in our home in London and when we use them, the pipes carry our waste to a proper place. Not everyone in the world has access to toilets like we do.

2 minutes go by…

– Yes, in London we get our water in plastic bottles but not in bags, right Mummy?
– Yes, you’re right, we do get some of our water in plastic bottles–far too often. We get most of our water from the tap, but we also use far too much plastic. We actually use much more plastic (whether its bags, bottles, wrapping) than they do here in Africa. I guess you could say that we are better at collecting and hiding our rubbish. That’s why you don’t see it as much.
– I’m not a litter-bug, Mummy.
– No, you’re not.

I didn’t tell them that only 10% of rubbish in Africa ever makes it to proper legal dumping areas–90% is left to rot in communities or burned in acrid bonfires. Plastic bags are just a fraction of the overall waste problem but they are nonetheless a serious eyesore against the otherwise serene landscape. Some countries have taken steps to ban and/or tax plastic bags but additional creative solutions to deal with problem are clearly needed.

5 minutes go by…

 – Mummy, how does our rubbish in London get hidden?
(Shit)
– Well actually, lots of our rubbish is sent to China and other parts of the world for recycling.
– Why?
(Shit. Shit.)
– You ask very good questions, my love. The truth is rubbish isn’t just a problem in Africa. It is a problem for everyone in the world.

Nearly 70% of plastics in the UK are shipped to the Far East. About a month prior to our holiday in Senegal I had read an article in the Telegraph explaining how China had actually refused to take in 17 containers of British rubbish (420 tons of plastic) because it was contaminated. Apparently, the Chinese are introducing tougher regulations and now refuse to accept unwashed plastic and unsorted recycling.  I wonder how successful waste management in Europe and the United States would be without China and other Asian countries available to absorb the extraordinary amount of both legal and illegal waste shipments.

Our car ride back to Dakar was bumpy but sunny and filled with great conversation, the kind of conversation that only comes from stepping away from the everydayness of life in London.

We could have stayed another week, or month, or even years, but only if we could carve out the right job. And while there is always a lot to do in places like Senegal there is actually a lot to do everywhere.

The mission of this trip was to broaden our children’s perspective of Africa. Did they build an attachment to a new place, new culture, new people? Absolutely. Are the concerned about poverty in Senegal? NOt in the slightest. As far as they were concerned, every child they played with on the beach was at least as happy as the ones back home.

Did they eat their airplane food on the way home? Of course not.  It still had sauce on it.